I don't want to look at this anymore cause its making me more depressed. I don't know what I want to do anymore. Well I do, but I don't know how to get there. 4 years and its about to come crashing down. The lie is too heavy to hoist on my shoulders. My back is gonna break and so is my neck when everyone finds out that I am a sham. I'm here but at the same time I'm not. Hopefully, I will still be here in about a month and I am still breathing. I gotta live life a lot more than I should. Maybe that way, I will start to love my life instead of hating it. That is the first step and the only step I need to take. Nothing else