its funny how i cant force myself to change. its like those people who are too stubborn to see what's wrong with them until something bad happens like a heart attack. then all of a sudden, they have a second chance in life. another chance to do things right this time. i think i need that kind of motivation. but at the same time, i dont want to wait for that, i want to start right now. it's so hard to do it though.

i've also been thinking about relationships. i feel like i should start working on myself before i can even think about other people. i guess thats true because you cant make anyone else happy of you cant make yourself happy. i'm only 21 but i feel so old. i feel like i am gonna die soon and i should do something with my life.